Sara: For the record state you name and what you do in Hellogoodbye.
Jesse: I’m Damon I sell tickets to our shows.
Marcus: Jeff McCully I get the burritos and surf.
Sara: Okay!
Sara: What would you change about the current music scene?
Jesse: I’d like to know why there’s not more punk bands. Whatever happened to being punk?
Marcus: You know like being treated like shit. That’s really what it’s all about.
Jesse: It’s just like be punk, some cigarettes, get fucked up, break shit, get in the pit, play at Ivan’s home whatever.
Marcus: Yeah like whatever.
Jesse: Get crazy.
Marcus: Get a 50150 head.
Jesse: Do what you gotta do to be more punk.
Sara: Alright, so punk?
Jesse: Punk. That’s what we are here for you know.
Sara: Alright. So should fans expect for your new CD Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs!
Jesse: A long annoyin—[Alison walks up] Wassup Alison holla at your boy! Um a really long annoying.
[Talking to Alison]
Jesse: Yeah I’ll see you there at 3!
Marcus: Yeah we’ll be there!
Jesse: Yeah we’ll be there.
Marcus: Yeah, my stamp ran out of ink
Jesse: Oh, thank you! Hey do you think you have the hook up on those Jolly Ranchers again?
Alison: I have like a 5 pound bag.
Jesse: Oh this woman
Marcus: Damn girl
Jesse: I don’t even know what to say. She’s an inspiration. This is Alison.
Sara: Hello Alison.
Alison: I’m Alison.
[applause]
Alison: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Jesse: See you at 3.
Alison: I’ll be there.
Jesse: Uh, yeah a really long annoying title.
Sara: How did you come up with the title?
Marcus: It’s like sometimes when you get bored and some like three pounds of peyote and you know like
Jesse: that shit we were on
Marcus: We thought that we were zombies. I thought this guy was a dinosaur
Jesse: EE EEE EEEEE
Marcus: So like after we were fucked up for like probably three days
Jesse: We were in the desert. You now burning man we were there.
Marcus: We kinda just like came out of it like in the dirt like above where we all were laying it said that and we were all like ‘Yeah’
Jesse:‘That’s the title right there tough print’
Marcus: How do you argue?
Sara: So what’s your favorite song on the new record and what was the most fun to write?
Jesse: Wow.
Marcus: My favorite song is probably ‘Parents’.
Jesse: Yeah I like the new song ‘I’m Not a Punk’
Marcus: I think parents though is really going to relate to kids who are in like the third grade that are getting grounded and stuff
Jesse: It’s like if you want to eat ice cream and stuff for dinner and your fucking parents won’t let you what’s up with that!
Marcus: That’s fucked up.
Jesse: I’m like ‘Listen mom, I’m gonna play my guitar as late and as loud as I want to and if it’s to loud then you’re to old fuck you!’
Sara: Okay!
Sara: What makes a good song or album?
Marcus: Ed Rose.
Jesse: Ed Rose. The band The Promise Ring makes good songs and good albums.
Marcus: Like if every band had a chance to work with them first like every bands album would probably be like at least 60 percent better.
Jesse: Lyrics about coffee.
Sara: So you guys put a lot of effort into your live shows with costumes, water guns, silly string, and bubbles why do you go through all of this effort?
Jesse: So here’s the thing, you think we put in a lot of effort. We put in so little effort to any of are shows. It’s like you go out and watch another band and you can tell they are putting there all into it. We’re not. We’re like… we’re assholes.
Marcus: If we were going 100 percent like everyone would be dead.
Jesse: It’s like we do what we do because it’s the only thing we know how to do.
Marcus:It’d be like this heavenly experience where like Raiders of the Lost Arc when they open it at the end everyone starts like dying and there faces are melting off it’s similar to that.
Jesse: It’s beautiful. So what we actually have to do is we have to push ourselves
Jesse and Marcus: To step it down.
Jesse: So we don’t fucking kill people you know what I’m saying?
Sara: Murder is a bad thing
Jesse: Yeah! Unless it’s The Murder City Devils. They’re punk.
Marcus: They’re badass.
Jesse: They’re fucking awesome.
Marcus: They talk about growing up in…
Jesse: Coming to Seattle to see rock and roll shows. What’s up with that!
Sara: So you participated in the Dew Circuit Breakout a while ago what was it like to do that?
Marcus: I’ll tell you exactly what it was like. It was like we won and in the contract we signed if we won they were supposed to give up 10, 000 dollars and they still haven’t and that was like a year ago.
Jesse: Wait, wait
Marcus: Exactly what it was like.
Jesse: Wait [pulls out wallet and opens it] oh, see anything. No no cause it’s empty.
Marcus: Cause it never came.
Jesse: We are an empty wallet.
Marcus: We will soon be seeking legal action against Mountain Dew.
Jesse: Have you ever heard of our lawyer Dave Stine.
Marcus: He did Taking Back Sunday so you know we are getting a good deal
Sara: So this kinda leads into the next question. Nowadays people say that MTV and MTV2 ruins music do you agree with that?
Jesse: No. I don’t. Maybe they take some of the punk out of it.
Marcus: 3 reasons why One, what band has ever been hurt be being on MTV? None.
Jesse: And clearly not Prodigy
Marcus: Two, being alone by himself for a couple of days is what the little runt needs he needs a little dose of the real world. Three we live in the most boring city in Chicago ever where nothing remotely dangerous ever happens.
Sara: So what do you want to have accomplished with Hellgoodbye?
Marcus: You ever heard of this band they’re not that well know they are called The Beatles? As long as we could get bigger then them then like I would personally be happy.
Sara: Okay.
Sara: In your opinion when does a band make it?
Jesse: When they put out an album called ‘Something to Write Home About’ and I go see them out the House of Blues with The Anniversary and Koufax September 15, 2000 with Jamie Warwin.
Sara: Okay then.
Marcus: I mean every band would have to go back in time for that to be accomplished but as long as you have the Fluaxcompassator.
Jesse: We got a Fluaxcompassator.
Marcus: And we have one
Jesse: We have a Mr. Fusion that converts garbage into petroleum.
Sara: That’s pretty impressive.
Jennifer: Have you shared that with the world?
Marcus: No, we’re kinda like selfish.
Jesse: Yeah, and we have this guy Doc Emitbrown
Marcus: Yeah
Jesse: He’s a crazy wild eyed scientist he’s doing the specs right now.
Marcus: He’s got this can opener that pours dog food out. It’s still in the works.
Jesse: It’s a really complicated process to get food ready in the morning but this dog Einstein is really cool. We actually gotta meet him at the Pine Hills Mall at 1:15 this morning.
Sara: I think you are gonna be late.
Jesse: Fuck. Well we’ll just got back in time cause once we get there
Marcus: We’ll be on time.
Jesse: And then when the Libeians come and try to shoot him we’ll give him a bullet proof vest. That’s gonna be mine. It’s Jennifer you have to worry about and our kids.
Marcus: And the kids.
Jesse: It’s for the kids
Marcus: For the kids.
Sara: Everything for the kids.
Jesse: Yeah, what we do in this band is all just for the kids.
Sara: So you meet a magic genie in on the street
Jesse:Oh like in the like Duck Tails the Movie
Marcus: Is it voiced by Robin Williams?
Jesse:Fuck that is it voiced by Rip Taylor who voiced the genie in Duck Tails Secret of the Magic Lamp? Who is it we gotta know for the question?
Marcus: Which genie are we dealing with here?
Sara: The genie in Aladdin.
Marcus: I was right. Robin Williams is voicing the genie.
Sara: So what there wishes would you want and why?
Jesse: No wishing for more wishes.
Sara: That’s against the rules.
Jesse: That’s against the rules.
Sara: Can’t make anyone fall in love.
Jesse: Can’t make anyone fall in love with you.
Jennifer: You can't bring them back from the dead
Sara: Can’t bring them back from the dead.
Jesse: [Singing] Try something from column A try something from column B cause I’m in the mood to help you dude you ani’t never had a friend like me.
[everyone joins in and sings]
Marcus: I just want the genie to sing that song.
Jesse: If I could just get the genie to sing that song from Aladdin I’d be stoked.
Sara: Three times? Because you have 2 more wishes.
Marcus: 2 more wishes. I wish you’re free.
Jesse: Encore. No no. Encore, then you’re free.
Sara: You’re a superhero for a day who are you?
Jesse: I saw this movie Evolver once with Ethan Embry he’s in Can’t Hardly Wait he’s in That Thing You Do.
Sara: I love that movie.
Jesse: It was before he was Ethan Embry and he was still Ethan Randall which was also on Empire Records and in this movie Evolver this guy Ethan Randall order this brand new video game off the internet cause he is real into video games and it’s supposed to be the craziest most interactive video game off all time where it’s like this robot that goes around the house and you shoot and the robot starts evolving hence the name Evolver and he turns into a fucking maniac and tries to kill all of them but there is this scene where Evolver hides in the dirty towel thing and then this guys is like this big [motions about knee high] hides in the dirty towel cart in a girl’s locker room and Ethan Randall goes in and tries and find him but Ethan Randall is a guy in the girl’s locker room and all the girls start freaking out. So I would wish to be a superhero that was invisible so I could go in the girl’s locker room and not get caught.
Marcus: I’d probably be that girl in Forky that grabs that guy’s crank through that hole.
Sara: So I have no more questions but do you have anything to say to the internet world?
Jesse: emptypants.com
Marcus: craigslist.org